Day 13: You should wear a ring

Misa, me, and Yoko at the Random unfocussed group for active intellectual (singles)

Today's first lesson was that I'm sick of meeting law students.

I had an easy opportunity to get my encantada in for the day, at Guacfest, an annual law school avocado and beer extravaganza. I enjoyed myself thoroughly, and did in fact kind of meet a new person. But it just didn't feel like it counted. My world was not expanding in any way.

So I went to Plan B: a meet & greet organized by the Meetup group RUGFAINTS, which stands for Random Unfocused Group For Active Intellectual Singles.

Right. I'm not a single. But the group looked really interesting, and it was nearby, and here's how they described tonight's event:

"This is a casual event where you will have a chance to introduce yourself and chat with other people who share similar interests, bounce around ideas for future group events, meet old friends and make some new friends."

That sounds great, right? Why should my& friend-making be impaired by the fact that I happen to have a devoted partner at home?

So feeling a little bit like a sneak* and a cheater*, I went to the event. *(Let it be known that my partner knew exactly where I was, and was fine with it. I was being sneaky and breaking the rules of the group, not of the relationship.)

Anyway, while I certainly wasn't going to lie or deliberately hide my attached status, I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that technically I didn't belong there, so I didn't mention Danny at all in conversation. This is unusual -- thus far he's come up almost painfully often, as I explain why I live here and talk about what I do with my days. Lots of "we." It was an interesting exercise to spend the evening asserting my own identity.

I met a number of lovely and interesting people, as expected. A ceramic artist, an Austrian grad student...and of course, Misa and Yoko, who I spent the longest time talking to. Misa moved to Berkely 2.5 months ago, just picked up and came with no job lined up or anything, and has been figuring out her life. Very brave. Yoko came here from Japan ten years ago, and seems to have a pretty wonderful life -- hiking, tennis, rides her bike everywhere, etc. We talked a lot about food, which of course was wonderful.

The worst part of the evening was when my sneaky silence came back to bite me. A nice guy who I'd talked to a little chased after me as I left, and asked for my number. I had to confess my non-availability to him, and even though I honestly hadn't meant to, I felt bad for having led him on. "You should wear a ring or something!" he said. "I'm not married!" I replied. "Still, you have a boyfriend you live with, that's like you're engaged or something, right?" Not exactly. But he does make a point.

Still, I'm glad I went. I predict an 80% chance that I will see Misa or Yoko or both again. However, I think my time at singles events is probably done. Maybe I can start my own group, and call it RUGFAINT....